I know, another entry about Japan. But this one is more for me than anyone else. Just felt like doing it here. Since this Live Journal will be my travel journal, or at least the public one for everyone to read. I also think I'll keep a private one, for me. I still get mixed reviews about my trip, people threatening me (just my sister, don't worry everyone), people trying to talk me out of it, I'm sure there are people who hope I'll change my mind, and then the few that can't wait for me to be where I want. For many reasons, to be able to visit Japan themselves (when I'm there) and happy that I have a direction in my life.
I think every student has that period their Junior year where they wonder, "What the hell am I going to do with my life?" I'm sorta glad I'm not having that. I'll admit before I was sure, I was a wreck, thinking I had decided stuff to early, with teaching I mean. It's not that I didn't love the idea, in principal. I guess, I just felt that I was settling in to my "grown up" life before I had ever lived. Let's face it, I've never been an outgoing person, only done a couple of illegal things, nothing too serious. I guess I was depressing myself with thoughts of the future. Then, when I talked to Linsey about teaching English in South Korea, I finally had a focus, a drive, something. But, still, something wasn't right.. then I realized it was the country that I was planning on going to. I love Korea but my passion, my drive, is Japan.
Living with Tish my freshman year, I was introduced to Japanese music. Ringo Shiina "Koko de KISS shite" and "Tsumi to Batsu" and that was it. I remembered watching a Hikaru Utada video on MTV once so I looked her up, and that was the beginning of the end. And I know that a lot of people don't think this is a good idea, but honestly, I've never been happier. I guess, I don't want to settle for a mundane life. I want an adventure, something I can look back on and go, wow I can't believe I did that. And this for me, is it.
Taking the steps to get ready to go were also surprisingly easy. Changing majors, from Education to English (with an emphasis in creative writing) went well. I never really second guessed it. Which for me was the deciding factor. If I could say "I don't want to be a high school English teacher right now" then I knew, everything was going to be ok. And it has been. I still don't regret it at all. I feel relieved actually.
All my thoughts recently have been around what my life in Japan will be like. And it makes me so happy. And I know that some people are worried, and rightly so, but I don't need any of you to be. I'm a fighter, and I've never made a rash decision in my life. That's why I still haven't kissed a guy. I want all those things to be things I will cherish. I know, you think I'm waiting for fairy tales.. no, all I want is when I look back at the first kiss, first time I have sex, that I don't shake my head and ask "What was I thinking?"
And so, with a clear head. I plan my journey. I've written a pros and cons list. Any my only cons deal with things like:
1. Being to far from home
2. Not being in a major city
3. Not understanding the language
Things like that. But the pros list, far outweighs it. And believe me, I've written and re-written this list a thousand times, it's the way it should be. And I've never been happier, cause the outcome is always the same: The Pros far outweigh the Cons.
And this is what I'll call my first post about Japan. My first post in which I will really begin my journey. I know, it's a year off but in the next year most of my life will revolve around this. And while I'll still have my usual posts most of this journal will be centered around Japan, and my trip. Especially around December when I can officially apply to the program. So, wish me luck. And for those of you who worry, don't, I'll be fine.